Many believe teaching their children to share should be an early goal, but not in our family. Many adults often ask children to communicate long before they are ready due to not wanting to feel weird, isolated, or like they’re raising bullies. However, remember what you won’t share as an adult; your child doesn’t need to share. For children, sharing feels arbitrary: what are the rules? Why do we take turns with particular objects and not others? Why do we have to do this at all? It’s not hard to see why sharing is a hard sell with small children.

When we talk about sharing with two-year-olds, we’re really talking about turn-taking. Knowing the difference between the two—and having a sense of when children are ready for each—can help determine what kind of support they need along the way.

What’s the contrast between taking turns and sharing?

Sharing and turn-taking sound similar, but children have to practice turn-taking—with adult help—for a long time (6+) before they’re ready to share!
Taking turns involves waiting while someone else uses the object you want to use, and it’s hard for anyone. Children may be cognitively and developmentally ready to take turns around age two. ven then, they will almost always need to be supported and guided by an adult.
Sharing, on the other hand, is a complex collaborative process involving a common goal and comes later, beginning around age four (when abstract thought, the concept of time and other things come into play)

How to teach toddlers to share and take turns:

Put away a small number of unique “non-negotiables.” 

If you are expecting company, have your child select a few beloved toys and make them off-limits (tip: determine the number of items before you start). This respects the connection your child has with these items and lets them be in control.

Preview what’s going to happen. 

Previewing what will soon be happening removes the element of surprise: “you’re playing with the truck now, and in three minutes it’s going to be Maria’s turn, and she will get to play with it for awhile.”

Use a Timer

Using a visual timer helps your child know when their turn is up. Don’t worry if they still yell and scream after the timer goes off (they don’t understand time still)

Practice turn-taking in everyday life.

Think about introducing the concept of turn-taking as you go about your day – make a smoothie together and take turns dropping ingredients like banana slices in one by one.

Take a breather

If turn-taking starts feeling too hard, consider an activity that provides more opportunities for harmony. Sensory play, art activities, puzzles, or even an everyday task like spreading nut butter on crackers are all easy ways to let everyone have a turn simultaneously.

Practice together

You can also assemble a puzzle with your child, taking turns by adding pieces individually.

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