In my 12 years of experience working with children, families and communities across the world. In raising children, words can shape their self-perception, beliefs, and emotional well-being. Parents, caregivers, and educators often underestimate the profound impact of the labels and stereotypes they apply to children. Whether it’s calling a child “spoiled,” “lazy,” or any other demeaning term, the consequences can be far-reaching, influencing a child’s thinking and behaviour.

We’ll discuss the harmful effects of using derogatory labels when describing children and offer insights into more constructive ways to communicate.

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The Power of Words:

Language is a powerful tool. It shapes the way we think about ourselves and the world around us. For children still developing their self-concept and self-esteem, the words they hear from trusted adults carry tremendous weight. Demeaning labels can have several detrimental effects on children’s psychological and emotional well-being. We can think of this as their inner voice. Think about your inner voice as an adult and how many of the thoughts are indeed your own. Or what other people (adults) have said to you?

Five ways this creates a negative thought process for our kids:

1. Self-Esteem Erosion: When children are consistently labelled with negative terms like “spoiled” or “lazy,” they may internalize these judgments. This can lead to decreased self-esteem, as they believe they are inherently flawed or unworthy.
2. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Labelling children in negative ways can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. While also acting precisely what they’re being called. We all have seen, read or heard someone say, “If you’re going to call me a cheater, liar, theif, I must as well be one”, Cues Keyshia Cole. “I should’ve cheated.” If a child is repeatedly told they are “lazy,” they may begin to act lazily, conforming to the expectation set for them.
3. Reduced Motivation: Demeaning labels can diminish a child’s motivation to excel and achieve. If they believe they are “failures” or “problematic,” they may be less inclined to try to succeed.
4. Social Isolation: Children consistently labelled negatively may struggle to build positive relationships with peers. They might feel stigmatized or develop social anxiety, leading to isolation. Or worse, take their frustration of never feeling enough about other people becoming abusive, toxic and bullies.
5. Stifled Creativity: Demeaning labels can inhibit a child’s creativity and willingness to explore new ideas. When they are constantly criticized, they may become risk-averse and reluctant to express themselves.

What Can Be Done?

All of us must be aware of the words they use when talking about children, but also ourselves. Our children are listening to how we communicate with them, but also with others and ourselves. Instead of resorting to harmful labels, they can employ more constructive and positive ways of communication:

1. Focus on Behavior, Not Identity: When addressing undesirable behaviour, avoid generalizing it to the child’s identity. Instead of saying, “You are lazy,” try, “Your effort on this task could be improved.”
2. Encourage Growth Mindset: Teach children that abilities and traits are not fixed but can be developed through effort and learning. Use language that promotes a growth mindset, such as “You can improve if you keep practising.”
3. Offer Specific Feedback: Instead of vague labels, provide specific feedback. For example, “I appreciate how you shared your toys with your friend. That shows kindness.”
4. Promote Self-Reflection: Encourage children to reflect on their actions and their impact on others. Ask questions like, “How do you think your behaviour made your friend feel?”
5. Celebrate Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate the child’s achievements and progress. Positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator.

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The labels we use when talking about children have a lasting impact on their self-esteem, behaviour, and overall well-being. Demeaning terms like “spoiled” or “lazy” can lead to negative self-perception and stifle a child’s potential. By choosing our words carefully and promoting a growth mindset, we can empower children to develop a positive self-concept and thrive in a supportive environment. Our language should inspire them to reach their full potential rather than limit their horizons.